Little Epiphanies

It's amazing what sort of revelations your mind will let you make while attending a performance by three flautists, piano, and bassoon. The pianist and bassonist were phenomenal players, and the flautists . . . let's just say that brilliant doesn't entirely sum it up. Joanna G'froerer is a bit of a prodigy. She became the first flute of the Vancouver Symphony Orchestra at the age of 20. She has been with the National Arts Centre Orchestra (NACO) for the past twelve years. Robert Langevin is an extremely accomplished player who has toured extensively. I still can't get over how he can play with that mustache, though! (he kind of resembles a walrus). And Camille Churchfield. Wow. Just wow. You never see her breathe, you don't hear her breath, her tone is perfection, her vibrato never too much. Absolutely amazing.

While sitting and enjoying this performance, I had a thought pop into my head - who was my flute teacher? The friend (from flute quartet) that came with me has had the same teacher for her entire playing career. And many others have had one or two, but most people stay with a good teacher. A move often forces the search for a new teacher, which was the case for me more than once. I started with Susan, who was lovely, and patient, yet expected a lot of work. Perfect for learning, to build confidence. When my family moved, I found a new teacher. Not good, not patient, not knowledgeable enough. The search resumed and I found Paul, with whom I studied for about two and a half years. In addition to Paul, I also had music at school, and Mr Gillespie was wonderful, too. Then we moved again. I lucked out with the teacher - Jean-Guy Brault, who was the second flautist of the NACO for many, many years. He challenged me, and made me a better player, before I went off to university.

In first year, I had a fabulous teacher. He picked up where Jean-Guy had left off, and continued to help me develop. Unfortunately, due to departmental politics, they had to cut a teaching position, and Richard was the one let go. In second year, I had Andy. Unquestionably the worst teacher I have ever, EVER had! I had English right after my lesson, and I always felt bad for Johnny Rotten, the friend who was in class with me. He never knew if I would be in a viciously angry, ready to punch something mood, or whether I would be alternating between weeping and swearing. (incidentally, Andy was primarily the Jazz saxophone teacher, and it pissed me off to no end that he kept calling my flute a horn. A horn!!!). Thankfully, at the end of the year, Andy was "invited" to leave - I was not the only one who had some major issues with him. Third year saw the arrival of Greg. He was lovely, but tough, and by Christmas he told me that technically he could not teach me any more, that for artistry I needed a teacher who was primarily a flute player. At that point, the university agreed to hire his wife, Jenny, in a part-time capacity. She was a beautiful player, and very helpful in building my repertoire and adding nuance. And there was a bit of continuity - I had her for fourth year as well.
Overall, I have had good teachers. I was smart enough to realize that I needed a change from the first not-so-good one, even at fourteen years of age. Unfortunately, I had no choice with Andy. That was confidence shattering from September through April. And considering that I was already struggling with performance anxiety, it's really no wonder that I changed my direction. Even changing teachers so frequently probably didn't help. Everyone has their own approach to different pieces. Richard was very respectful of my notes on the page. I had started to work on Mozart's Concerto in G with Jean-Guy, and Richard honoured the dynamics and inflection that I had written in. He did expand upon it, and over time, I think we made some changes. The following year, Andy changed everything. All the dynamics, all the expression. I was very resentful of that, especially considering that he had never heard of the NACO. (a horn indeed!!! Idiot).

All of this came to me as I listened to Hungarian Phantasy (Franz and Karl Doppler), played by Joanna and Camille. And it made me a bit sad. I could have been more like that, I used to be really, really good. I'm not claiming to have been anywhere near as good as they are, but maybe I could have been. I am happy that I'm playing again. Happier than I've been in a long time, not that I thought I was unhappy. I guess I didn't realize quite how much I missed music in my life. As in reading music and challenging myself, learning new pieces (as opposed to music therapy, which I do all the time, but where the music is the vehicle through which other things are accomplished). Now I have flute again, and I'm working on voice, and I feel whole.

Incidentally, at the intermission on Saturday I saw the flautist who played the first part at our spring concert, the concert when I was unable to sing at the beginning because I was all choked up. I actually went over and talked to her, introduced myself, and thanked her for motivating me to play again. She's lovely, just a very sweet person. She also owns the music store - as in sheet music - where I try not to go in without a set shopping list. Of course, even with a list, I tend to browse. Handel's Messiah? $15.95. My grand total? $68.50!

The flute fair, including the concert, was a great event. Looking at new flutes (not trying/playing! But WHY did I hold it? WHY??? Now I'm obsessed!) was fun. I also got a stand for my flute, some powdered papers (to remove moisture from the pads), and a wooden cleaning rod (I've been meaning to get one for, oh, 20 years!). And I gave my flute to Pascal to fix. I'm feeling a little stressed about that. Because my flute is in Montreal, and I am not. I'll get it back on Sunday, and he gave me a loaner. Well, I am not in love with the loaner. It's a nice instrument, comparable to mine, but I HATE the embouchure (lip plate). The upper register, and the mid-register are fine, but low E, D, and C are non-existent. It's not me, I can play them on my flute, and even on my old, really crappy flute. And I have flute quartet tomorrow. Nothing like a little stress to encourage more practicing. And then having the frustration of not being able to play those notes. Wish me luck!!!